Well, I've been thinking more about games again.

I wandered by the sea, at Cattle Point, Victoria, BC, past the beautifully out-of-tune piano and the less beautiful yet glorious wizard player who is going at it for as long as I was there.

My grandfather has gout in his feet, and can't go for a walk two days in a row, so I was left to my own devices to ponder in the sea air. I did yoga to attack some the chronic pain. I brought no electronics and stared at things that don't flash.

I stretched, wrote some poetry, smiled at strangers, notice the waves on the waves in the waves in the sea, then got down to the deep business of thinking the same thing I thought yesterday, only with the slight intention of being less wrong.

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The way I see it, there are thousands of games out there to play. Every sport, every trade, every profession. They've got strict rules most of the time, some leniency and creative license around the edges, but for the most part, you don't get to decide if you win or lose. That's the proverbial referee's job, the boss, the customer, etc.

Then there's making art.

Seems like being an artist is the game where really, there are no rules. This sounds really great for about 5 years, and then you realize you have no idea if you're playing tag, or manhunt. Are you chasing things? Are they chasing you? Is this good? Bad? A success? A failure?

*crickets*

The only rules, are the ones you impose upon yourself. 

It's around right here that I like to ask myself, would I lock myself in jail? Fire myself? Disicpline myself? Of my own volition?

Rules are as real in art as the rest of the rules in this world. 

They're real because someone has a gun, or access to clean water and food, and will give you those things, based on how well you do. 

Only here, the person is you. 

(Well, maybe not as real as the rules for engineering a bridge. Or being a doctor. Bridges fall and people died regardless of who's pointing what where. But I digress.)

Am I saying starve yourself or shoot youir toe if the painting is bad? Absolutely not. 

But these rules are real in so far as, by their definition, there is a real failure or success, and the consquences that come from that, are as evil or glorious as you choose.

 If the rule of a successful song is, is makes someone cry, if it doesn't make someone cry, it's a failure. What you do from that point onwards though, is where the reality of the rules comes in. Maybe you cry. Then you win.  Bad example. Maybe you… make yourself write another song. That's probably the healthiest way to punish yourself. 

I've always been a carrot over the stick person (said every person who has the choice.) So I guess, it's more like, here are those choclates I love, or a beautiful date with myself. Or a fat bowl of black tar heroin.

If that's your reward, please fail.

*     *     *

Maybe the consquence isn't the important part. It's about the metric mannnn. If that book becomes a new york time bestseller, if the song must hit 1,000,000 streams! The painting must be indistinguishable from a photograph!! The vase must be perfectly symmetrical!!!

But the question is: then what? That's the question. Without that, a lot of the momentum and direction and feedback for a path gets lost. If you go off the path in the woods, you get the visceral feedback of blackberry thorns tearing your clothing. You win by getting to the end. I love the hiking game.

Feedback from art, is self-imposed. I kinda already said this, but that feedback is key to steering the imaginary ship through imagination land.

If it is, then it's good. It wins! If it doesn't, it lost. 

I geniuenly think this is important and figuring out those terms is something artists need to do, if they aren't experimenting. I also think it's important to fail. To love failing. To take your losses gallantly, like a champ. being a good sport. All that jazz. Except jazz doesn't have wrong notes. All the classical.

I'll take this moment to reinforce, please take a healthy path from failure. Maybe its pushups. Maybe it's humilation by singing at Union that you're making new music that's going to be better. Just don't be violent or indulgence or… idk a member of clery is probably better at telling you the wretched punishment. Anything that's in hell, don't do.

Sidebar, my grandparents are so cute and sweet. My grandmother just start pointing out this mug I gave her, that says grandmother: Never far in thought, always close at heart. She is the most lovely.

When you get old, you start reverse aging spiritually. My grandparents occasionally sound like two kids on the playground at daycare. It's the bees knees. I strive to be like a child at daycare, making sandcastles in the sand, jumping up when they are finished and dragging the closest person to come look at them (except for me it's an album or book). That kid is playing by some sort of rules, but only God knows what they are. I'm sure the kid doesn't. The kid doesn't know why someone almost dies, or doesn't die in Lego-Thomas the Tank Engine crossover. They just do!! Because!!!!

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Anyway, I think I'm narrowing down my goals. The sign of a good game, is when you give the person just enough to barely win, if they play their cards right. That's the kind of game I'm trying to lay out for myself, knowing who I am, which I just started kind of doing while on the road.

I'll end it with this; if you feel like you're losing, or lost, reassess which game you're playing. You can always play tic-tac-toe, and hint: if you start first, the worst you can do is tie.